say eeeh!

Somebody (to remain nameless at this time) in this picture celebrated a birthday today!

I'm such dork. I made everyone get together for a photo. "Everybody say EEEH!" 

For those of you who are reading and aren't family members, my Grandpa Chamberlin used to take pictures at EVERY single event that was considered noteworthy. He was a man's man, tough and hardy... stubbornly insisting that everyone gather together for a photo, as untimely and inconvenient as it always was. Then he would pull out his camera and his persona would change to that of a gentle elementary school teacher trying to get the class to pay attention. It wasn't everybody say cheese- it was everybody say eeeh. He sounded like a prepubescent boy and requested the eeeh with a big smile on his face.

Great man I tell you!  Here is to being the token cheesy photo person like my G-pa Cliff.

rainy sunday

Baby and I have gotten in the habit of hiking Forest park on Sundays. Today we continued with our ritual despite the pouring rain. She was a wet dog and I couldn't pass up the photo opportunity. Not bad for my cell phone camera!

We also spent the day with the Willis-Conger family. They love and feed me like I'm an adopted child and I love'em for it! Today we caught a movie at the Mission Theatre and then I was treated to homemade mesquite turkey soup and rosemary biscuits. Yummy! 

Muchos Gracias Willis-Conger familia!!! 

you've been to one, you've been to them all.....

This was my attitude about diversity training sessions.... That was until I heard Dr. Terrell Jones speak at our all staff training on Friday. His session was so powerful for me on a personal level that I needed few days to digest and think about how I wanted to write about it. So here goes...

Dr. Jones is the Vice Provost for Educational Equity at Penn State University. He is also an amazing lecturer. While watching his talk, I found myself missing school (who would've thunk?). He had a way of drawing in the audience and directing them in a comforting fashion to think about things that bring great discomfort, i.e. racial discomfort/cultural differences. His humor was light-hearted and really funny. There was some adjusting because Dr. Jones was born and raised in Pennsylvania and was very forthcoming about how this had influenced his own interpretation of race and culture. Having lived in that region, it is safe to say that that part of the country is more diverse than the Pacific Northwest when it comes to Black and White Americans, so naturally there are more opportunities to think about race and cultural identity. His jokes were direct and forward. No candy coating, just truthful observations of how stereotypes (not just racial, but cultural) can hurt people and separate us.

Once we were engaged in examining our own cultural identity and experiences, he urged us to do more than just think about ourselves, but to act on our observations. This was where his training session differentiated itself from previous sessions. I spent four long years in Residence life, helping students navigate their college experiences. I spent countless hours attending diversity sessions, but none of them talked about 'the next step'. Up to that point, I was taught to be aware and considerate of peoples experiences. I was taught to value differences and learn from them, learning wasn't interactive... it was supposed to happen on a personal level and this would in turn influence how I interacted with others. Hmm... In theory, I think it did. But it doesn't stick because if you aren't faced with issues, they become less familiar and there is less to relate to. 

What did this mean to me? As he spoke, I realized that I have had several valuable experiences with cultural differences. Some of my best friends in the world have different sexual orientations than myself and I have valued and learned from their adverse experiences. I lived in another country for a year; I went from feeling like a complete alien as I stepped off that plane in Japan to feeling even more overwhelmed when I returned to SEATAC airport where I was supposedly from? Talk about cultural confusion? 

He then discussed different levels of racial identity development as they relate to Black and White individuals. I found that as painful as it was to admit, I could identify with parts from several phases of the model. I guess I was in kind of in 'cruise control' mode. Yeah I have friends from all different backgrounds, but honestly my best Black friends still live on the East Coast and I DON'T see them anymore or have regular opportunities to talk about race and our society. 

Had I regressed because of this? My conclusion was yes. It was confirmed after attending a breakout session after Dr. Jones's talk. We were treated to lunch and when two open seats were available at a table, my coworker and I sat down. We were sitting with 4 other people, 3 of which were African American and 2 of them were women who I had spoken with several times before, but wasn't familiar with the programs they coordinated. So, as we were eating our sandwiches, I inquired about what programs they ran and told them I work with 'the oldies'. They looked at me with puzzled faces. I explained in further detail that I work with people who have dementia/Alzheimer's. One lady then told me that she was rebuilding a program that provides services to Portland area gang members who are trying to get away from gang activity. We talked more and with most non-profit mental health programs, I asked how they were funded and what kind of evidence based evaluation tools they used to prove they were making a difference. At first she thought I was talking about staff evaluation, since we were at a meeting for supervisors and then I elaborated that I was interested in how they were capturing change in their adolescent clients. It was awkward. I was having a heck of a time talking with this extremely smart, educated woman and I believed it was because our culture had led us to work with totally different populations so we didn't have much at all in common. It could have also been that I was ultra sensitive after the talk and noticing the smallest things. 

We continued to talk and it wasn't until I was stating that I had been originally assigned 3 coordinator positions and after 6 months just flat out told my director that there was NO WAY I could do ALL 3 Jobs. It was going to be difficult to run just the dementia program with only 24 hours a week!  One of the ladies proceeded to say that if she did that, she would be fired and she believed that being a woman and her race would be an influencing factors.......... I felt so many different things when she said this... I felt offended, shameful, speechless, skeptical and just insecure- all at the same time. There was nothing I could say really because I would never really know what it would be like to be her in my situation. At that moment I realized that I was really disconnected from her life and how her race influences her life here in a very White Portland, Oregon.

I left that afternoon feeling unsettled and disappointed in myself, only I didn't know why. Almost like I had turned my back on recognizing, and I mean really recognizing diversity. I had lost some connection that I once had.

I'm still contemplating that afternoon and have reached a conclusion: I need to make more of an effort.  Instead of assuming that race and culture continue to evolve in a positive way (I mean hello? Obama as president!), I need to remember that race relations improve because of the actions of those who advocate and tirelessly push others to confront this issue. While I feel connected to many other different race/culture issues, I need to work towards increasing my exposure to this issue. In January, I will be there to support the opening of one of my lunchmates program for ex-gang members. That is my action step towards changing my behavior, rather than just sitting here in my tiny apartment thinking about my cultural identity and how it is truly different from others. 

Whew.... This is exhausting to think about, so if you are still reading- Thank you. Thank you for finding this important enough to read more about. I have one more request. I have included some of the theory that explains phases or categories of white racial identity development. Please read through them and contemplate your own place in the model. As I stated previously, during Dr. Jones's talk I realized that I'm not where I want to be and it was uncomfortable to admit that. But, it is a starting point. Please read, think and share with those around you. 

Be the change...

Helm's White Racial Identity Development Model

Two Phases: Abandonment of Racism & Defining a Non-Racist Identity

1. Contact: People in this status are oblivious to racism, lack an understanding of racism, have minimal experiences with Black people, and may profess to be color-blind. Societal influence in perpetuating stereotypes and the superior/inferior dichotomy associated between Blacks and Whites are not noticed, but accepted unconsciously or consciously without critical thought or analysis. Racial and cultural differences are considered unimportant and these individuals seldom perceive themselves as "dominant" group members, or having biases and prejudices.

2. Disintegration: In this stage, the person becomes conflicted over unresolvable racial moral dilemmas that are frequently perceived as polar opposites: believing one is nonracist, yet not wanting one's son or daughter to marry a minority group member; believing that "all men are created equally," yet society treating Blacks as second class citizens; and not acknowledging that oppression exists while witnessing it (a la the beating of Rodney King in Los Angeles). The person becomes increasingly conscious of his or her Whiteness and may experience dissonance and conflict between choosing between own-group loyalty and humanism.

3. Reintegration: Because of the tremendous influence that societal ideology exerts, initial resolution of dissonance often moves in the direction of the dominant ideology associated with race and one's own socioracial group identity. This stage may be characterized as a regression, for the tendency is to idealize one's socioracial group and to be intolerant of other minority groups. There is a firmer more conscious belief in White racial superiority and racial/ethnic minorities are blamed for their own problems.

4. Pseudo-Independence: A person is likely to move into this phase due to a painful or insightful encounter or event, which jars the person from Reintegration status. The person begins to attempt an understanding of racial, cultural, and sexual orientation differences and may reach out to interact with minority group members. The choice of minority individuals, however, is based on how "similar" they are to him or her, and the primary mechanism used to understand racial issues is intellectual and conceptual. An attempt to understand has not reached the experiential and affective domains. In other words, understanding Euro-American White privilege, the sociopolitical aspects of race, and issues of bias, prejudice, and discrimination tend to be more an intellectual exercise.

5. Immersion/Emersion: If the person is reinforced to continue a personal exploration of himself or herself as a racial being, questions become focused on what it means to be White. Helms states that the person searches for an understanding of the personal meaning of racism and the ways by which one benefits from White privilege. There is an increasing willingness to truly confront one's own biases, to redefine Whiteness, and to become more activistic in directly combating racism and oppression. This stage is marked with increasing experiential and affective understanding that were lacking in the previous status.

6. Autonomy: Increasing awareness of one's own Whiteness, reduced feelings of guilt, acceptance of one's own role in perpetuating racism, renewed determination to abandon White entitlement leads to an autonomy status. The person is knowledgeable about racial, ethnic and cultural differences, values the diversity, and is no longer fearful, intimidated, or uncomfortable with the experiential reality of race. Development of a nonracist white identity becomes increasingly strong.

Helms (1995) from Sue, et al. (1998). Multicultural Counseling Competencies: Individual and Organizational Development. Sage Productions. Thousand Oaks, CA.

Where is it?

Where is all the snow? The weather has been very pleasant in Portland. Occasional rain showers now and then, but often it is pretty warm with a view of the stars for the past several nights. 

This is bad. Very bad! Thanksgiving has come and gone and there are only 2" of snow on Mt. Hood- if that!

I want it to be cold, wet and miserable! Sorry everyone else in Portland, but this is getting serious!

It's time to start doing dances for the snow Gods- I'm gonna get on that right now.....

a little more of a good thing....

So much to be thankful for.

Mt. Rainier at sunrise.... I feel home rush through my body when I catch a glimpse of her beauty.

I'm so thankful for babies who love to dance. This would be my nephew Mathew. He's got rhythm!
How can you not be thankful for a great 'Incredible Hulk' impersonation. As promised in a previous post- Will as the Hulkster-
Whip cream is also a wonderful creation. Nothing like filling your mouth with spray whip cream after eating a huge turkey dinner! 

Had to post this photo of two of my favorite ladies: Mom and My Baby.  We had a great day at Alki on Friday. Walked the boardwalk and had dinner at a killer Irish Pub.  Thanks for the great weekend Mom!

It is difficult to verbalize how lucky I feel to have such a wonderful and loving family. Next to my health, they share the top spot what I am most thankful for. 

A few other things worth mentioning...... cute hats, flow bindings, good conversation, sonicare toothbrushes, books, free online tv episodes, pets, laughter, anything home-made with love, Febreeze, canon xti, Nordstrom's Rack shoe shopping, old people, international travel, my sister's massages, gravy, music, oh geez.... i could go on and on... too sleepy to continue....

Thanksgiving Day

I am full. I'm tired and I forgot my photo cable, so I plan to keep this post short and sweet. 

Today we had Thanksgiving dinner at my brother's house, which I have been looking forward to for at least a month. My sister-in-law Angie prepared what I believe was a perfect meal! Mom's pies were to die for and the company couldn't have been better. I can't get enough of my nephews and my niece. I asked them to share what they were thankful for and what they wanted Santa to bring them in a short video clip. 

Mathew will be turning 1 next week, so he wasn't able to articulate exactly what he was hoping for, but I had to share this since he is so darn cute! 

Megan is a funny one--

I have watched this little clip about 37 times already. Just tugs on my heart strings. 

We talked, watched the Hawks loose, played Wii golf, ate appetizers, played football outside, ate dinner, played more football outside, then had some great pie. After most of the guests left, that was when the video fun began. This photobooth stuff is very entertaining. These photos are also worth a look:

I bet my brother will be thrilled about this pic!
'the crew'
Sometimes I wonder why I live so far away from these kiddos? Love'em all!

Giving thanks to my Pumpkin

It is that time of year again. The time when we all are forced to catch our breath and give thanks for all our blessings. 

This blog will be devoted to giving thanks for my dog, Baby.

I am so thankful for my little pumpkin that I'm doing a bit of a tribute.... not when my pup has left the earth, but while her sweet soul is here for kisses. Lately, I have been so worried about money, job, career, blah blah blah, that I haven't been giving Baby the attention she deserves. Regretfully, she has put on a few pounds and for her body, that is a few pounds too many. In order to combat re-occurring back inflammation issues, I have been walking Baby 5 days a week, 3-6 miles a day. I might also be hoping to benefit from these walks(my hip joints are not so happy these days). I also invested in some oldie/weight loss food for the Baby, hoping this will contribute to a healthy existence. Every time she exhibits anything out of the ordinary, I panic. I know.... this isn't healthy, but Baby's love has been solid and well... I just want her to be around forever, so I will do everything in my power to keep her here.

So here is my mini(actually pretty extensive) photo tribute to my Pumpkin. I know it is extreme and I may seem a bit obsessed, but truthfully it was too hard to narrow my picture choices. She is just too photogenic.

This pic was taken about 10 minutes after I met Baby for the first time. I found her posting on petfinder.org and the instant I saw her thumbnail shot, I knew I had to have her. She was living in South Carolina at the time and her rescue group refused to adopt her out of the area. I was devastated. I repeatedly emailed her foster Mom, hoping she might have good news. Finally after about 6 months of email contact, they considered my application. No one was interested in adopting here because at the time her timid and fearful personality was unattractive to all who saw her. She was terribly abused and she didn't want anything to do with strangers and especially men. I didn't care. I would love her back to a safe place.  At the time, I was about to move back West after spending nearly 3 years in Delaware. I planned a beach vacation around the adoption. Just a quick 14 hour drive from Delaware and I had my Pup. She was so shy, but seemed hopeful about our bond.... from the very beginning....

The rest of these pics are not in chronological order. Just a collection of some of my favorites. 

Baby is definitely a beach dog.
This was our first experience swimming together. I know. the life vest is ridiculous. I couldn't bear the thought of her sinking to the bottom, so we had to use it just in case!
Baby also kept me company while I was writing my Master's thesis. Here she was, just 3 years old hanging out illegally in my dorm at the time. She was so skinny!
This was Baby's first experience with volunteer work. I took her to the Senior Center I volunteered at in Delaware. 
I had to include a picture of her and Magic. They were two peas in a pod. Best friends forever. Sadly, the two had to be separated when we moved back West, but Baby still responds to Magic's name.
Baby posing for the camera... or just licking her lips.
This is what Baby looks like when she is turkey hunting. Very happy dog!
Being a big Sister isn't easy. Especially when your Mom leashes you to each other and the cat is stronger :-)
Baby looking very sophisticated on the University of Delaware campus.
Waiting patiently for the Crawdads.
My Grandpa Mel loved Baby. Baby also brought love to dozens of hospice patients while I was working in the nursing home. These days she makes regular visits to my dementia program. Something about her old soul is very calming to older adults in distress. Natural therapy dog I guess??
She loves to hit the Mt. too!She even makes the parking lot look good....
Fishing with Mom...Baby the snow cap explorer. She was a trooper on our Dublin Lake trip. We hiked over 20 miles that weekend. She is also a great sleeping bag heater on those chilly spring nights.This trip, it was her and myself, relaxing, reading, fishing, etc. 
Nature dog on yet another backpacking trip.

Baby also waits patiently for her mom when she is surfing on the Oregon coast. She has a little pop-up tent for shelter and protection.
Life on the tracks is rough. Doesn't she look tough?
I love this pic. She was only 3. Now she is almost 10! I'm so thankful for the last 7 years and hope for as many more as I can get. 

She is my co-pilot. Thanks Pumpkin!